goodbye again

Yesterday my sisters and I went over to my mom's house with our husbands and divided my dad's things. It was like a whole new wave of sadness crept over me. I love seeing my family but now there always seems to be something bitter attached to our meetings. The next time we meet will be Easter, another celebration yet another reason to cry: our first holiday without all of us there. I was so so tired when I got home last night around 9pm and just collapsed on the couch. It surprised me that it hit me so hard, as the last week I have felt more at peace and more able to live daily life without being interrupted by feeling down, crying, or being easily distracted from tasks (all symptoms I experienced very heavily the first few days and weeks). Oddly, yesterday was the first month anniversary of his death... we didn't plan it on purpose to be that way though. Things that get me through: watching movies about cancer and/or grief, taking it slow throughout the day and forgiving myself if I can't be productive, crying, being honest with those who are close to me, and just telling myself to take it slow and that it will hurt for a long long time.